When my husband announced one eavening that he had deleted his facebook account, I felt a sudden surge of freedom. I’ve been contemplating the same thing, but just haven’t managed to pull the plug yet. Here is why I am over facebook:
1. Status updates. Status updates should be a.) funny or b.) informative.
Example: Hannah is wondering why there is spaghetti AND meatballs hanging from the chandelier.
OR b.) Hannah is expecting baby #5.
Now, that is a complete lie, but it is informative. It would be followed by other status updates like, “Hannah just stormed the OR and demanded a refund.” Or “Hannah just negotiated a free delivery, AND a college tuition savings account.” Or, “Hannah just told her husband the news.” Which would probably result in a final status update of “Hannah is now single.”
What I HATE are 2 specific status updates. The first is the boring ones. “Joe is wandering aimlessly around the mall.” Joe, if it is THAT boring for you, imagine how boring it must be for me!!! Why are you clutering my news feed and my mind with your boredom! Play some online poker; entertain yourself for Pete’s sake. Keep it out of my News Feed!
The second one is the Shameless Self promoters. “Jane just baked a 100 dozen cookies.” “Jane has a sparkling clean kitchen, it’s amazing what a little faithfulness can produce!” “Jane is savoring the smell of a pot roast slow-cooking in root bear.” “Jane spent a blessed day playing with her kids.” Frankly Jane, there is no way that you baked a 100 dozen cookies, cleaned your kitchen, slow cooked a nasty root bear roast, played with your kids all day, AND had time to log into face book 19 times in one day. When I accomplish all that in one day, I only have time to log in to face book 15 times.
And then there is the combo: Boring Shameless Self Promoters, who are neglectful. These ones are NOTORIOUS for spamming me with their mobile uploads. “Ricky is at the mall looking for a gift and having no luck.” (Posted from Ricky’s Mobile Phone.) Now, I happen to know for a fact that Ricky is a stay at home mom of two small children who are a.) strapped into a double stroller munching fruit loops or b.) they are hiding running rampant, hiding between clothing racks and grinding said fruit loops into the carpet, while their mother is mobile-y updating her facebook status in the middle of the mall. Thanks Ricky. Not only am I bored by your status, now I’m fearful for the safety of your children.
2. Double checking email.
It drives me crazy when I open my email, and I read a message that someone sent to me via facebook, and then I have to log into my facebook account to reply to that message. Then while I’m there, I get bogged down by Joe’s aimless wondering and Jane’s freaky over-achievements.
3. Availability of information.
It’s a trap. I post pictures of my kids so that my sister-in-law can see Lilly in the dress my niece used to wear. I know I could email it to her, but I’m sure grandma wants the most up-to date pictures too, and it is just more convenient. Saves the time Joe stole. But then, someone I went to high school, who I hardly knew, who I only accepted their request because I was being nice, now has access to what my kids look like. I wish there was a “good friend” filter and a “someone I think I might remember from a couple of decades ago but I can’t be sure” setting. “good friend” gets all access, the “others” get a more limited view.
4. Facebook is a time bandit.
It sucks you into a weird vortex of over-shared information, and before you know it, you’ve wasted all of nap time reading boring status updates about people you hardly know, AND you haven’t even paid the electric bill yet, wich was why you turned the darn computer on in the first place.
I know, preach to me about self control and the like. You’re right. That’s why I think I’m deleting my facebook account. Right after I write on Kristi’s wall so that we can make plans about going to the beach this weekend…
Update: When I heard about Facebooks new privacy, I actually did it. I deleted my facebook. I feel so free. So rebellious. So unatached… darn, I wish I could log back in to let everyone know!
3 Comments
February 18, 2009 at 1:40 pm
ok i am so proud of you, but i have to say that i feel slammed because i do post updates like “kristi is savoring the smell of pork tomatillo stew.”
i will say in my defense that i’ve never thought of it as shameless self-promotion: i think of it as sharing a little joy in my life. since i’m such a negative person by nature, these updates help me stay focused on the positive things in my life.
oh, and do you have a link to the new privacy stuff for FB? i’m going to google it right now…but just in case i can’t find anything.
so looking forward to doing this–just as soon as i get up the nerve!
February 18, 2009 at 1:42 pm
and i just shared this post on the mommy revolution blog…hope you don’t mind.
February 18, 2009 at 1:47 pm
hilarious… you nailed it.
i’m now going to post a link to your blog on my fb wall or note or status or whatever.